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IKEA: the Text adventure?
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pinwiz, The IKEA text adventure game
IKEA is a fully immersive, 3D environmental adventure that allows you to role-play the character of someone who gives a shit about home furnishings. In traversing IKEA, you will experience a meticulously detailed alternate reality filled with garish colors, clear-lacquered birch veneer, and a host of NON-PLAYER CHARACTERS (NPCs) with the glazed looks of the recently anesthetized.
and later
You start this world armed only with a UNIVERSAL FURNITURE-ASSEMBLY ALLEN WRENCH. This is the weakest weapon in IKEA: You will have to hit a person 16 times with it to kill them. So your primary goal in this level is to find more lethal means of dispatching your enemies.
As you enter the SHOWROOM, perform a rolling dodge to the left. Grab a free PAPER TAPE MEASURE and a handful of IKEA EMBLAZONED GOLF PENCILS from the kiosk near the entryway. The PENCILS serve quite well as ranged weapons, but it will take some time to master their use. Before venturing further in the world, stand at the kiosk and practice hurling GOLF PENCILS at patrons as they enter the SHOWROOM. Remember: Hitting the eyes does triple damage.
Now make your way into the main SHOWROOM, using the PAPER TAPE MEASURE to throttle anyone who blocks your path.
and finally:
First push your cart into the CHECKOUT line. Now stand there and wait. Continue to wait. If the person in front of you moves forward, you should move forward as well. And then wait. The key to CHECKOUT -- and I cannot emphasize this enough -- is to wait.
IKEA veterans know the secret to defeating this level: While waiting in line it's crucial that you NOT CONTEMPLATE YOUR MERCHANDISE! Do not ask yourself if you really need seven tiny wicker baskets. Do not wonder what's wrong with the perfectly good entertainment center you have at home. Do not try to reconcile your recent participation in anti-globalization protest parades with the fact that you are now on the verge of buying an armchair that somehow costs 23 bucks. EVERY MINUTE YOU SPEND THINKING ABOUT YOUR IMPENDING PURCHASES WILL HALVE YOUR REMAINING PATIENCE!!
I swear, it's exactly like being there!!!
pinwiz, The IKEA text adventure gameIKEA is a fully immersive, 3D environmental adventure that allows you to role-play the character of someone who gives a shit about home furnishings. In traversing IKEA, you will experience a meticulously detailed alternate reality filled with garish colors, clear-lacquered birch veneer, and a host of NON-PLAYER CHARACTERS (NPCs) with the glazed looks of the recently anesthetized.
and later
You start this world armed only with a UNIVERSAL FURNITURE-ASSEMBLY ALLEN WRENCH. This is the weakest weapon in IKEA: You will have to hit a person 16 times with it to kill them. So your primary goal in this level is to find more lethal means of dispatching your enemies.
As you enter the SHOWROOM, perform a rolling dodge to the left. Grab a free PAPER TAPE MEASURE and a handful of IKEA EMBLAZONED GOLF PENCILS from the kiosk near the entryway. The PENCILS serve quite well as ranged weapons, but it will take some time to master their use. Before venturing further in the world, stand at the kiosk and practice hurling GOLF PENCILS at patrons as they enter the SHOWROOM. Remember: Hitting the eyes does triple damage.
Now make your way into the main SHOWROOM, using the PAPER TAPE MEASURE to throttle anyone who blocks your path.
and finally:
First push your cart into the CHECKOUT line. Now stand there and wait. Continue to wait. If the person in front of you moves forward, you should move forward as well. And then wait. The key to CHECKOUT -- and I cannot emphasize this enough -- is to wait.
IKEA veterans know the secret to defeating this level: While waiting in line it's crucial that you NOT CONTEMPLATE YOUR MERCHANDISE! Do not ask yourself if you really need seven tiny wicker baskets. Do not wonder what's wrong with the perfectly good entertainment center you have at home. Do not try to reconcile your recent participation in anti-globalization protest parades with the fact that you are now on the verge of buying an armchair that somehow costs 23 bucks. EVERY MINUTE YOU SPEND THINKING ABOUT YOUR IMPENDING PURCHASES WILL HALVE YOUR REMAINING PATIENCE!!
I swear, it's exactly like being there!!!
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That said, I really like the part about hurling the golf pencils. Whoosh!
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There have been times I've gone to ikea and gone through the whole damn place, only to end up in line, look at the stuff I got, look at how long the line is, and go "screw it, I dont' need this crap" and leave...
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::geek love::
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